Wanna go to space? Axe Body spray, aka the official smell of trying too hard, is finally offering the opportunity to go to space to 22 weak men with no taste. Apparently this contest was launched in January, but I pay such little attention to Axe body spray and all of their "kickass" endeavors that it must have slipped by the sonar somehow. I'm glad I caught this when I did though, because this is the dumbest shit I've ever heard of in my 23 years on the life sustaining planet of Earth, where you can actually live.
I do have to say one thing. This promotion seems right up Axe's alley because their consumers are monumentally stupid. You're talking about a demographic of people who would enter to win in a contest where the grand prize is a power bomb delivered by Randy Couture because chicks dig how "extreme" it is, then Axe sticks you with the medical bills for your ruptured pancreas and broken ribcage. Everyone knows that Axe is the ultimate pussy repellant, and in space, no one can here you scream about how bad your blue balls hurt. So unless this is just a big ploy for Axe to find 22 of their most scandalous, unappealing consumers and maroon them out in the abyss of space as the ultimate pro bono gesture to human kind (which the contestants would just haaaaaaaaave to understand) these guys are in for a surprise.
What could the appeal possibly be? They understand that it's just black up there right? That once you get up into space, which never ever ever ends, you can see Earth and the moon and that's it. It's not like being in New York, where you look at exactly the right moment on west 35th street and you get a clear shot at the Empire State Building. You don't just look to your right and see Jupiter like it's right down the fucking street. These guys are going to get up to the space station, realize that there's no Jaegermeister or Saturnian space women to dry hump against their will and want to turn around immediately.
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